It has been brought to my attention by my lovely children that I am a Mean, Mean Mommy sometimes.  When prompted as to why I am so horrid, I am usually treated to blank stares and a startling lack of response leading me to ponder this question myself.

What do I do to my children that is so offensive to deserve the screams and tears that they produce on a regular basis?

Do I chain them up in the basement and deny them food?

Uh, no.

Do I whoop them with a belt or a switch of their choosing when naughty?

Nope.

My offenses are much more mundane but seemingly frequent.  The following are a sampling of the abuse that I have inflicted on my children today.  Read with caution.

1. Made people take off their pajamas to leave the house.
2. Would not allow torn, too small tights to be worn with a too short dress simply because it was too Amy Winehouse for a 5 year old.
3. Cut the twins off from “num-nums” after their 3^rd breakfast.
4. Confiscated a kitchen shears that was being used to cut a graham cracker.
5. Changed pooey diapers before they had a chance to cause a raging case of Monkey Butt and thus interrupting play and general destruction.
6. Gave time outs for sibling on sibling abuse.
7. Insisted on some semblance of hygiene by enforcing the “if you wore it yesterday and slept in it you can’t wear it again today even if you’re toasty” law.
8. Allowed the baby to cry for more than two seconds while I ate breakfast much to the shock and horror of the big kids (overheard: “don’t worry she really does love you, she’s just busy.”).
9. Prematurely ended an early morning fashion show when it reached the 1 hr mark. 
10. Limited the pre-noon donut/treat/candy/sweet intake to 4 per child.

With that I will leave you so that you may recover from your shock and horror at my cruelty.